PARENT’S QUIZ
RMBEBB@HOTMAIL.COM
1. HAVE YOU EVER:
A. TURNED ON THE DISHWASHER JUST SO THE CHILDREN WOULDN'T HEAR THE 'SNAP' WHEN YOU OPENED A CANNED SOFT DRINK FOR YOURSELF?
B. POURED THE SOFT DRINK INTO A COFFEE CUP SO THEY WOULDN'T CATCH YOU DRINKING IT?
C. TRIED TO EXPLAIN TO THE KIDS WHY YOUR COFFEE IS SO FIZZY TONIGHT?
D. TRIED TO EXPLAIN TO YOUR WIFE WHY YOU GAVE ALL THE CHILDREN SOFT DRINKS SO CLOSE TO BED TIME?
2. WHEN THE CHILDREN GO TO VISIT SANTA BEFORE CHRISTMAS, HOW MANY TOYS DO THEY ASK FOR?
A. 10 OR MORE
B. 1 TO 9
C. NONE; THEY CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING THEY DON'T ALREADY HAVE.
D. SANTA ASKS THEM FOR TOYS, BECAUSE THEY HAVE MORE THAN HE DOES.
3. HOW MUCH SLEEP DO YOU NEED?
A. 8 HOURS PER NIGHT
B. 4-7 HOURS PER NIGHT
C. 1-3 HOURS PER NIGHT
D. WE HAD TO DROP SLEEP FROM OUR SCHEDULE WHEN OUR THIRD CHILD WAS BORN.
4. WHICH BEST DESCRIBES YOUR PERSONAL TRANSPORTATION?
A. WE DRIVE MATCHING “HIS” AND “HERS” SPORTS CARS.
B. WE HAVE A 4 DOOR SEDAN AND A MINI VAN.
C. WE CAN ONLY AFFORD ONE CAR BUT WE CAN CRAM 8 KIDS INTO IT.
D. WE DRIVE A 40 PASSENGER GREYHOUND BUS.
5. WHICH BEST DESCRIBES YOUR FAMILY'S HOME FURNISHINGS?
A. WE OWN MANY FINE ANTIQUES AND VALUABLE WORKS OF ART.
B. WE HAVE FURNITURE THAT IS STYLISH BUT STURDY
C. OUR FURNITURE IS MOSTLY STUFF WE GOT AT GARAGE SALES.
D. WE OWN NOTHING THAT ISN'T MADE OF CAST IRON OR HEAVY GAUGE PLASTIC.
6. ARE YOU ABLE TO:
A. OPEN A CHILD PROOF CONTAINER?
B. PROVIDE FAIRLY RESPECTABLE COMPETITION FOR A SIX YEAR OLD AT VIDEO GAMES?
C. HELP A FIFTH GRADER WITH THEIR ALGEBRA HOMEWORK?
D. DO ALL OF THE ABOVE AT THE SAME TIME WHILE CONSULTING WITH THE FAMILY DOCTOR OVER THE TELEPHONE?
7. WHAT DO YOU USE FOR CLEANING AROUND THE HOUSE?
A. WE USE A REGULAR VACUUM CLEANER
B. WE HAVE A REGULAR VACUUM CLEANER BUT I ALSO KEEP A "DUSTBUSTER" CLIPPED TO MY BELT FOR EMERGENCIES.
C. WE USE A HEAVY DUTY WET-OR-DRY SHOP VAC.
D. WE USE AN INDUSTRIAL VACUUM THAT IS E.P.A. CERTIFIED FOR USE WITH BIOHAZARDOUS AND/OR TOXIC WASTE.
8. IF YOU WERE TO LOOK UNDER YOUR COUCH CUSHIONS WHAT WOULD YOU FIND?
A. ASSORTED COINS
B. CRAYONS
C. A COMPLETE SET OF ALL THE TOYS GIVEN OUT WITH "HAPPY MEALS" FOR THE LAST THREE YEARS.
D. WE HAVEN'T HAD THE NERVE TO LOOK UNDER OUR COUCH CUSHIONS SINCE WE FOUND A DEAD HAMSTER UNDER THERE TWO YEARS AGO.
9. HOW CLEAN DO YOU KEEP YOUR HOUSE?
A. EVERYTHING IS KEPT SPOTLESS AND SHINING, AND IN ITS PROPER PLACE.
B. WE TRY TO KEEP THINGS NEAT, BUT A LITTLE DUST AND A FEW SCATTERED TOYS ARE ACCEPTABLE.
C. WHEN WE CAN HEAR THE CHILDREN, BUT CAN'T FIND THEM AMONG THE PILES OF DEBRIS, WE KNOW IT'S TIME TO STRAIGHTEN THINGS UP A BIT.
D. OUR HOME HAS BEEN DECLARED ELIGIBLE FOR GOVERNMENT ASSISTANCE FROM THE ENVIRONMENTAL CLEANUP SUPERFUND.
10 DESCRIBE THE AVERAGE NOISE LEVEL AT YOUR HOUSE
A. THE ONLY SOUNDS ARE SOFT MUSIC AND AN OCCASIONAL QUIET CONVERSATION.
B. IT IS NOISY ENOUGH THAT YOU MUST SPEAK AT A LEVEL VERY CLOSE TO A YELL IN ORDER TO BE HEARD.
C. IT SOUNDS LIKE A TYPICAL SCHOOL CAFETERIA.
D. I CONSIDERED VOLUNTEERING TO SERVE IN BAGHDAD DURING OPERATION DESERT STORM SO I COULD GET SOME PEACE AND QUIET.
SCORING:
ON #1. SCORE ONE POINT FOR EACH 'YES' TO PARTS A. THROUGH D.
ON #2.-10. SCORE ONE POINT FOR "A", TWO POINTS FOR "B", THREE POINTS FOR "C", AND FOUR POINTS FOR D. EXCEPTION: SUBTRACT 1 IF YOU ANSWERED D AN # 8. PARENTING IS NOT FOR WIMPS.
INTERPRETATION:
IF YOU SCORED 0 TO 10, IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANY KIDS, YOU MIGHT BE WISE TO REMAIN CHILDLESS. IF YOU ALREADY HAVE CHILDREN, GIVE THEM UP FOR ADOPTION BEFORE THEY DRIVE YOU CRAZY.
IF YOU SCORED 11 TO 20, YOU CAN PROBABLY HANDLE ONE OR TWO CHILDREN
IF YOU SCORED 21 TO 30, YOU CAN SURVIVE WITH THREE TO FIVE CHILDREN, POSSIBLY INCLUDING A SET OF TWINS.
IF YOU SCORED 31 TO 40, CONGRATULATIONS, YOU MUST BE A VETERAN PARENT. YOU KNOW ALL THE TRICKS, HAVE ALL THE RIGHT EQUIPMENT, AND ARE IMPERVIOUS TO STRESS AND PHYSICAL FATIGUE. YOU CAN NOT ONLY HANDLE YOUR OWN OFFSPRING, BUT MIGHT WANT TO ADOPT A FEW FROM THE "0 TO 10" GROUP AS WELL. IN FACT, YOU SOUND LIKE SUCH A GOOD PARENT, HOW ABOUT TAKING MY KIDS!
